Conwell!
Say I promise.
Conwell!
Stop!
You're not scared out here, like, at all?
I always liked...
I liked the way they smell.
Yeah, tents are great.
My favorite. I love it.
I used to take my daughters camping too.
Stop!
Is it big?
Are you going to say yes?
' say yes if it's big.
I may have to make you wait if you don't promise to say yes.
I don't want to wait!
Oh, come on.
Say I promise.
Come on.
I'll show you if you promise to say yes.
I promise to say yes if you promise it's big.
If it's big, like big big, then I'll say yes.
Ready?
It's so big!
- Told you. - You did.
What do you say?
I say yes.
Help me!
How was the ocean?
- Wavy. - Wavy isn't a word, dear.
Wavy is totally a word.
This is my new favorite beer.
Every beer is your new favorite beer.
I am so excited Audra is coming home.
Do you think she'll stay?
No, most likely not.
But it would be so good having her home for a while.
- Yeah, it will be. - The real question is,
what's Haley going to think of her little sister coming back to west craven?
It's so sad that they hate each other.
Yeah, well, it's a hate of mutual tolerance,
so I'm sure everything's going to be fine.
What's the worst thing that could happen?
With those two?
Who knows?
Spin around.
How about lover boy over there?
How do you think he feels that Audra's back?
Probably not great, but I don't think they've spoken since she left.
Yikes.
Hey.
Now blow me a kiss.
Okay, I'll talk to him.
I don't think we're supposed to have bottles on the beach.
Not yet. Also not a nude beach, either. But who's counting?
Every time we come here, somebody has to get topless.
Come on.
Let's go make friends.
Ouch!
Shells!
Can't be so so
this is your show
here we go go
go go
skinny dip skinn y ties
skinny those skinn y fries
skinny bitch to my right
it's no surprise
tap tap, Instagram
name drop, name brand
fairy dust, fairy/and
oh tha-that's how they like it
can't be so so
this is your show
here we go go
go go dive into bright lights
say your goodbyes
stepped right into the riptide
a cold lullaby
and I'm drowning in your love
glowing in the dark, baby
it's kill or be killed
swimming with the sharks
be the first or the best
who's now, who's next?
Ding ding, messages
leave me alone
lose the weight, lose the smirk
pretty soon you lose the shirt
better win, better work
or you might as well go home
can't be so so
this is your show
here we go go
go go dive into bright lights
say your goodbyes
stepped right into the riptide
a cold lullaby
and I'm drowning in your love
glowing in the dark, baby
it's kill or be killed
swimming with the sharks
dive into bright lights can't be so so
bright bright, bright light
stepped right into the riptide here we go go
and I'm drowning in your love can't be so so
glowing in the dark, baby
it's kill or be killed here we go go
swimming with the sharks
got what you asked for can't be so so
now you only need more this is your show
you got what you asked for here we go go
but you only need more go go
Spin around.
Let's grab you a beer.
- Yes. - Hey!
- And a top of some sort? - I'll be right back, babe.
Maybe shorts too.
You guys ruin everything.
Yeah, right. Come on.
Fine, I could use a beer anyway.
You need to get over it.
I told her what would happen if she came back.
What, Devon? What is going to happen?
You don't understand where she left it.
No, I think I understand pretty well.
Yeah, you think you do.
Regardless of what happened, you got what you deserved.
- Whatever. - You know, you were a real dick, Devon.
Oh, so Audra just gets total absolution.
Uh, yeah, pretty much.
Okay, even still,
I can't just abide by the fact that she bought the tupp house.
Okay? That can't stand.
Why not?
Because I'm a tupp after all.
You are not a tupp.
- My third cousin married into... - Never married a tupp.
You are no kind of tupp.
Damn it, missy. I... She has to regret coming back here.
No, she doesn't.
We'll see.
We'll see nothing. Besides, why do you even care?
You have a pretty new girlfriend now, anyway.
- Hey, baby. - Hey, babe.
Let's go!
Giddy up!
Whoa.
- How did the talk go? - Oh, my god!
- As expected. - So, terribly?
Pretty much.
What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah, keep saying that.
Come on.
At least you have a new favorite beer.
Yeah, well, at least there's that.
Shotgun!
What's with these homies who be dissin' my boy?
Do they know?
I'm aggravated with the negativity and the noise
they tell me "find a wealthy man"
but they don't seem too happy
I was afraid to put myself on the line for a boy...
Amazing.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
And that's enough from you.
Key.
The rest of you can wait.
And you...
I forgot about you.
What do I do with you?
A place to do acid, I suppose.
Or tear you down and put in a hot tub.
Bingo.
And you are all mine.
I should call daddy.
Hello. You've reached conwell's voicemail.
Please leave a message.
Unless it's one of you kids who needs money.
In that case, call your mother.
She likes to hear from you guys once in a while when you don't need money.
And aften/vards, call gramps too.
Anyways, I just arrived, and it's amazing.
I can never thank you enough.
I can't believe they let us keep all the furniture.
I'm having the girls over later, so I'll see you tomorrow.
Love you.
Today is a great day.
Oh, shit!
I'm wrecking this place already.
There.
Good as new.
Oh, it's so comfortable.
I never want to get up. Ugh.
Fuck me.
Beautiful.
Hmm.
I need to get my bags from the trunk.
And take a shower.
Oh, my god.
I don't see how anyone could go crazy living here.
Maybe in the Dollhouse.
Escalator for Christmas.
I have a dock
And here's the ocean.
Full of big fish with sharp teeth. Yuck!
Why is this door even locked?
Hey, Audra!
- Reese? - It's missy.
Surprise!
Fuck you, guys.
Say it again. Surprise!
- I'm going to kill you. - Happy housewarming.
Thanks.
Dude, Audra, were you really going to
bash my brains out with that rock?
Yeah, and I think you would have deserved it, too.
Disagree.
Come on, guys. Up you go.
We're so much fun.
Yeah, tons. Tons of fun.
And where did you get this thing?
Don't ask.
It's getting hot in there.
It's getting hot in here
So take off all your clothes
I am getting so hot
I wanna take my clothes off
when the rest of your clothes come off,
help me with these bags.
Oh, I think breakfast is shot.
Well, luckily, I brought the wine in first.
That's my girl.
Yeah, even though she's a big college grad,
her priorities remain intact.
Actually, you take the bag.
- I'm going to go get the suitcases. - All right.
I still can't tell if this house is creepy or quaint.
It's Cape Cod.
Every place is both creepy and quaint.
It's like, part of its charm.
I guess that's why the pilgrims stayed here.
Yeah, or they ran out of gas.
Or they hit a rock. Maybe both.
Something like that.
- Fuck! - Oh, my gosh.
- What was that? - My wine.
Did you just say "gosh"?
Shut up!
We'll handle this.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, it's fine.
Okay. I'm gonna go put my bags away and take a shower.
- Sounds good. - I'm really glad you guys are here.
- I love you. - I love you.
Maybe slightly more creepy than quaint.
Slightly.
Especially in this house.
Holy cheeses!
- Let's find big knives. - Careful!
- I don't know if I have any band-aids! - Huge knives.
Seriously, ladies!
Oh, Reese. Why do you get the room with the fireplace?
Because you get the room with the creepy closet.
I should've brought a glass of wine.
Then this would've been perfect.
Reese?
Missy?
Hello?
Hey! Get me a glass of wine!
Reese?
Missy?
Hello?
Fuck! Ow!
Fuck me!
I just bought a beautiful house, and now I can't see.
That's not a win-win.
Jesus!
Why do you keep trying to scare me?
Scare you? I came in to see if I could use the shower after you're done,
and you me asked for a glass of wine.
And you got me a glass of wine?
Yeah.
And I spilled another glass of wine on my floor.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Anytime.
It doesn't sound like you girls are playing nice.
I was playing nice.
Careful! There is glass.
Good grief!
Could you toss me that towel?
Sure.
Thank you.
If you are so against drinking wine tonight, why did you buy so much?
I didn't mean to be, but it's a good thing I did.
Yeah, I'll say.
I'm going to grab my glass before
shambles strikes again.
Why don't you shower upstairs and I'll help Audra with this?
Righto.
You're superjumpy tonight. It's not like you.
Well, in all fairness, you guys did try to give me a heart attack earlier.
True.
Can you go get me some undennear out of my room, please?
Sure thing.
Not the cute ones.
You could never
be killed
the feeling was real
and I touch you
with my hand
touch you...
These will do.
Thank you.
What kind of radio station is this?
Ugh. Where's the radio, anyway?
I was a-walkin'
in my new black boots
cause darlin' you know
the best trees show their roots
and when I showed up
to that dance hall on 65
I was a-lookin'...
I wish my parents would get me a house when I graduated.
Yeah, my parents bought me this great place
because they think I'll live here forever and they'll see me more often.
You know the drill. Grandbabies, blah, blah, blah
at least that's what my mom thinks.
Basically, exactly like my sister.
- Will it work? - Not a chance.
I'm going back to the real city after the summer.
So cool.
But I probably will visit more often now that this is my own place.
I can't wait till you move to New York so I can come visit you there.
You should move to New York.
Maybe.
I still can't believe you got this house.
Why? I've always loved this house.
But it's the tupp house. The motherfucking tupp house.
Enough of that.
Fuck the tupps.
It's my house now.
No more
turns across the floor
but then it's your turn
boy, you better learn
to be a gentleman
Babe, the tupps were mad and people died here.
And what about the ones that vanished?
Lord knows what happened to them.
So you're saying this place is haunted just because some crazy family
lived here years ago and some of them died here?
Uh, yeah, basically, I would say that's what makes it haunted.
Don't want your religion, no
I got problems of my own
don't want your misgivings, no
you gotta be suave cause you know...
Whatever.
All the tupps are dead and gone or othennise vanished.
And it's my place now.
Daddy paid in full cash well below market value
because, apparently, people think like you do
and nobody wants it but me
and I'm never, ever selling it.
Well, okay, then.
Because I love it. It's big and pretty.
And I have a beach and a dock and a boathouse.
That boathouse is a death trap.
Maybe so.
That's okay because I don't want or need a boat because
I hate the water.
But you love the beach.
Love the beach, hate the water
'cause I don't like those fish with big teeth.
You mean sharks?
Those are the ones.
All right.
I'm going to go get more wine.
Are you actually going to finish it this time?
You know what? I can give it a go.
What about the bathroom?
Leave it.
I'll pick it up later.
- Come on. - Okay, fine.
Grab something to slice the cheese with, please.
Perfect.
I have to tell you, the idea of spending the night
in the tupp house creeps me out.
- I have to tell you something. - What?
Okay, so I went to the zoo the other day.
Yeah?
And there was only one dog, and it was a shih tzu.
Oh, my god. That's stupid.
I know. It's cheesy, right?
Cheesy? Get it?
Get it?
I know, we're comedians.
Missy! Get down here! The movie's starting!
All right! Just a minute!
This is all I wanted to do all day.
Amen to that.
Although this movie is probably going to give me nightmares.
Mmm. It'll be worth it.
If you say so.
Get down here! The movie is starting!
I'm coming!
Not that I want to watch the movie.
I might have to crawl into bed with you later.
Missy!
I'm coming!
Oh, man. This movie again?
I hate scary movies.
Come on, missy, don't be such a pussy.
I'm sorry that I don't like stupid horror movies
with stupid naked chicks running around, getting chased by chainsaws or whatever.
Some people love them.
Then I guess that's why they still make them.
- Mm-hmm. - I like them
even though they give me the willies.
Shit. I wish someone was here to give me the Willy.
But it's a girls' night.
Just pour a glass and sit down.
Way ahead of you, dear.
Try not to spill any on the floor, huh?
That was not my fault.
Always making a mess.
All right, well, I'm going to bed.
Um, big day of drinking tomorrow.
- Boo. - Boo nothing.
I love you guys and I'm really glad you're home, Audra.
Love you, babe.
Don't look in the closet!
Don't light yourself on fire!
No promises!
It's chilly in here.
Really has a nice view.
Too bad it's haunted.
Don't look in the closet.
You'll just encourage...
W... whatever.
Don't do it.
Fuck.
Of course the woods behind the tupp house are terrifying.
Just close your eyes and have sweet dreams.
Holy Christ!
Wow.
- Anyone important? - No.
Are you done with the cheese?
Yeah, I think I've had enough.
I'll take the knife, too.
Carry on.
I think I'll hit it, too.
Babe, really?
I'm beat and I think I've had enough excitement for one night.
Are you sure? We're about to get to the good part.
Yeah, if I see any more good parts, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.
Okay. I'll go to bed soon too.
No, you won't.
Night. Sleep tight.
- Don't let the bed bugs... - Don't say bedbugs.
There better not be any bedbugs in there.
Uh, no bugs.
Good.
The rats ate them.
I'll die. I'll iiterallyjust die.
Good night.
I hope everything is locked.
No rats, no bugs.
At least I don't have to sleep upstairs.
And magic.
It's getting hot in here
so take off all your clothes
Haunted or not, at least the fire makes it cozy.
Just a normal unhaunted cape house.
From behind the tree, and grandpa got all excited,
and he shook his fist at me and said, "boy, you'll be damned to hell!"
Remember that? Right over there.
Boy, you used to really be scared here.
Johnny!
Hey, you're still afraid!
Stop it, now! I mean it!
I'm coming to get you, Barbra!
Stop it! You're ignorant!
They're coming for you, Barbra!
Stop it! You're acting like a child!
They're coming for you!
Look, there comes one of them now!
You, you belong on the ground!
Now stay on the ground!
- Christ! Fuck! - Hey.
- Are you okay? - Yes. Yes, I'm fine.
Are you sure you're okay?
Yes, it's just the wind.
Go back to bed.
- Good night. - Good night.
Please lock the doors.
Here's to you, grammy.
Whoo!
That worked fast.
Hello?
Hey, stop that.
Couldn't sleep?
No, your fucking dog woke me up. It licked my feet.
I don't have a dog.
What do you mean?
I mean, I don't have a dog.
You've been here all night. Did you see a dog?
I don't know. It's a big house.
That pug thing?
- Wookie? - Yeah, wookie.
That's my dad's dog.
He's sort of cute but I wouldn't let him in here.
Think of the carpets.
Are you fucking with me?
No, I'm not.
Audra, if you don't have a dog...
Then something licked my feet.
Let's go.
See? No dog.
Contrary to what you may think, that doesn't make me feel any better.
Audra.
I really don't like this.
These knives are sharp, right?
No dog over here.
Something licked my feet.
And no dog over here.
I repeat. Something licked my feet.
Hmm. Maybe...
It was a big, scary...
Do not say rat.
- Get down. - Isn't there a song about monkeys
jumping on the bed with butcher knives?
You had a strange childhood.
Come on.
Three little monkeys
jumping on the bed
not with knives.
What's wrong? What are you guys doing?
She was jumping on the bed.
And she thinks a dog was licking her feet in her sleep.
And there's no dog.
Okay, well, thanks for stopping by.
Let's go.
Can't we search her room?
No. Let the poor girl sleep. Come on.
Fine.
Not that I'm getting much sleep.
Something did lick my feet.
Maybe it was just a bad dream.
Or maybe it was a good dream, huh? How long was the tongue?
I'm calling the cops.
Really?
What are you gonna tell them?
I don't have a dog. They're gonna laugh at you.
As long as they bring guns, they can laugh.
I'm gonna laugh at you.
It's not here!
What's not there?
The imaginary dog?
Why don't you Google "imaginary"?
Hell, why don't you Google "dog"?
No, my phone.
My phone is gone.
Your phone is not gone.
- It's nowhere. - Your phone is not nowhere.
- Call it. - Is that a dare?
Just call it.
Okay. I'll call it. But when we find it,
you have to promise me you'll Google "imaginary dog".
Deal.
Do you live here?
Funny.
What?
I could've sworn I put my phone in my purse.
See?
See what? I'll find it.
They took our phones.
Like, took them how? Who? When? Where? Why?
I don't know. Maybe upstairs or before.
Even dogs don't take phones, Reese.
You're right, Audra. Dogs don't take phones.
I really don't like this place.
What the fuck?
Oh, my god!
Any chance you do have a dog that you forgot about?
I mean, I hope so, but those aren't paw prints.
What are they?
Hoof prints?
Like the devil?
The devil's got to have better things to do than this. I mean...
Wars and shit.
I don't know. I mean, if they're not paw prints
or devil hoof prints, what are they?
There's only one good goddamn way to find out.
I knew you'd say that.
Ouch!
Goats? You have goats?
No. Obviously someone's fucking with us.
Goat fuckers.
He's kind of cute, though, right?
Yeah, right. Why don't you have him lick your feet?
Help me up.
Up we go.
So much for my cute undennear.
Stupid goat.
Audra!
- I'm not going near that goat. - Just open the door for it.
He already licked your feet.
You're the one with a knife.
So you want me to kill the goat?
Shit! Ow!
Help me! Help me up! Don't leave me!
Reese! Reese! Reese!
Come on! Come on! Oh, my god!
Audra!
Oh, my god. What are we gonna do? Careful!
Reese!
But we have to just run.
Missy! What about missy?
- We can't leave her. - What the fuck are we gonna do?
- My keys! My keys are in my purse. - You can't go in there.
Hold on.
- Missy! - Missy!
Missy!
She can't still be sleeping.
Maybe... maybe she's hiding.
- Oh, is that him? - I think so. Who else?
I don't know. There could be more than one.
Help me!
- I'm going in. - No!
- Yes, I'm going in to get missy. - Don't leave me.
I'm gonna in and get missy and our keys.
- Please don't leave me. - Listen.
- Count to 180. - What?
Three minutes. I'll be fast.
If I'm not back by the time you get done counting, then run.
Run down the middle of the street and don't stop for anyone or anything, okay?
Please don't go.
I have to go.
He's gone now.
Please don't go.
Audra!
You can do this.
Please be fast.
Missy!
101.
Come on, Audra!
Missy? Missy!
Missy! Wake up!
Missy! Wake up! Missy!
Come on. We gotta go.
Missy.
Missy!
199, 200.
Oh, my god!
201.
200 and... fuck!
Oh, my god!
Fuck! Fuck me!
What's going on?
Why are there goats?
Shoo! Go away, goat!
Oh, my god.
Oh.
Shit!
Why is my phone in here?
No!
Please!
Who are you?
Who the fuck are you?
You know what?
I don't care!
I can't believe this happened. Any of it.
Can you believe the fucking nerve of him?
I really can't.
I know. It takes a special kind of asshole to ask for a divorce
at the hospital where your dad just fucking died.
He really asked for the divorce right after your dad, you know...
I mean, honestly, it was after they pulled the plug
so technically dead, but he wasn't even cold.
Spoken to Audra yet?
No.
I don't even think she knows yet. I've been trying to get
- a hold of her all night. - Did Brett give you any...
I don't know, indication?
Uh, oh, you mean besides the fucking tramps he's been nailing
- at the golf course? - What a piece of shit.
Yeah. Can you at least keep him from your money?
No. We don't have a prenup and...
Daddy's worth a fortune. He probably thinks he's just going to...
He's going to cash in on half.
That fucking bastard!
I've never liked him.
Oh, my god.
God bless daddy's soul. I mean, he spent all of his money
on tramps at the golf course.
Over my dead body will I watch it get spent that way again.
You're really going over to the tupp house? Now?
Yeah, I'm here. I gotta go.
Be strong, Haley.
I should literally kill him.
I should chop him up into 406 pieces,
box him, bow him and bestow him to his fucking mother.
Just breathe, Haley. Just breathe.
Do not fall apart at the seams. Not now.
Fuck!
Holy fuck! Pick up!
What the fuck?
Audra?
Hey, this is Audra.
I don't check messages regularly, but leave a message. Bye.
Oh, my god!
Hey, this is Audra.
I don't check messages regularly, but leave a message. Bye.
Fuck!
Audra?
Fuck you!
- Brett? - You bitch!
I killed your dad, bitch.
Die!
Die! Die! Just fucking die!
Just die.
Audra?
Haley?
Is this your piece of shit husband?
Yes, it is.
I never liked him.
Well, I did.
You're not wearing your wedding ring.
Yeah, well, he killed daddy.
Okay. Okay!
Hey, he's going to fucking die!
Audra, he's going to fucking die.
Yeah.
Yeah, so, let him bleed out in peace.
He killed daddy and you want him to bleed out in peace?
Really?
How about bleed out in pieces?
Yeah! Bleed out in pieces, asshole!
You bitch!
Haley.
You're such a bitch.
Haley is not going to be a happy camper when she wakes up.
Nope. She'll be super pissed.
- We lost all the goats. - Not all the goats.
- The cute one. - Cute? They're super scary.
Are you kidding me? They look like evil devil monkeys
with these black dead eyes.
I think they're pretty cute.
I bet Audra was so freaked out.
You think about your ex a lot.
I just wish I could've seen the look on her face whenever she saw the goat.
Yeah. Yeah, we got her pretty good.
- Yeah. - Let's go find the cute goat.
Hey, devil monkeys.
Hey, hey.
The sun is almost up.
I hope we find him soon.
There he is.
Shit!
- He's gone. - He was the cute one.
We'll never get him now.
I'm sorry.
But I do know
- how to make you feel better. - What?
- A quick skinny dip. - Nice try.
I think I've been naked enough for one day.
Technically, it's a new day.
Catch me if you can!
Whoa, are you trying to attack me?
- Babe. - Yeah, babe?
Look.
Is that... blood?
Babe, don't.
I just want to take a look.
Stay right here.
- Stay right here. - Okay.
- What the fuck? - Come on. Come on.
- Devon! - Oh, fuck!
Who was that?
I don't know.
What do we do?
I don't know.
- We gotta find Audra. What? - Enough about your ex!
Shit!
Devon!
Rest in pieces, asshole!
Oh, my god!
Fuck!
He was trying to help you!
Do I look like I need help?
Oh, my god!
Please!
Ghost in my fucking house? Are you kidding me?
Devon was a real dick.
He tried to help you.
Stupid birds.
What are they so goddamn cheery about?
Reese?
It's okay.
I'm here.
I'm so sorry.
This way is better, okay?
It won't hurt anymore.
I love you.
I'm so sorry.
This is better.
I'm so sorry.
In pieces.
Okay. Audra, stop!
Seriously. Stop! He's gonna die!
Just leave it be.
- Die in pieces, asshole! - You bitch!
That's too much. Sit up, unnaturally.
- Unnaturally? Yeah. - Yeah.
Sorry if I hurt you.
I could've sworn... I put my purse in my bag.
I could've sworn I put my bag in my purse.
What?
I'm calling...
We're going to start over.
Come on.
I don't know what's going on.
- Then be like... - Okay.
- Gotcha. - Motherlode.
Just be, like, looking for the cheese.
Get in there.
This is the other hand.
- So, while I'm... - You're good. When you bring it up,
- bring it up so we see you bring it up. - Just bring it right here.
So we know that it's like, a ring, and not your
cock or something.
- I told her what I was going to... - I hate you.
Okay, you guys. Sorry, this thing is not staying.
It's not staying in my ass, I guess...
Okay, there.
- I heard that. - All right.
That's disgusting.
Look...
Look, I have to use two hands to cover one tit.
One can't cover it.
That's accurate. This is accurate.
Like her head.
It's the size of my...
It's true.
Jesus!
- Let's do it... - All right.
Yeah.
Jesus! Why do you keep trying to scare me?
Scare you? I came into your... sorry.
- Can we reset? - Reset!
Oh, my god.
Sorry, guys.
It's my first time driving a lambo.
I know, I know.
- Yes. - Really? No.
- It's my first time. - Surprise.
- Let's make a movie! - And... 7, 8, 9, 12.
Yo mama!
Shame shame shame
you're such a pretty shame
shame shame shame
we played a dirty game
we hide from the light
when the love is right
love in the low we keep outta sight
shame shame shame
you're such a pretty shame
we got a heart gone cold
we had a heart of gold
we had our hearts to hold
shame shame shame
you're such a pretty shame
shame shame shame
we played a dirty game
we hide from the light
when the love is right
love in the low we keep outta sight
shame shame shame
you're such a pretty shame
we got a heart gone cold
we had a heart of gold
we had our hearts to hold
we got a heart gone cold
we had a heart of gold
we had our hearts to hold
Are we late for our revival
as we watch the casket close
have we gone to our redemption
as the body leaves the soul
we got a heart gone cold
we had a heart of gold
we had our hearts to hold
we got a heart gone cold
we had a heart of gold
we had our hearts to hold